The End of Winter
by raithebae
Summary: Bucky Barnes finally felt like a normal man with Julie. But when tragedy strikes, he's thrown into a whirlwind of emotions and events that teaches him how to be normal. without her.
1. chapter 1

_AN: I'm new here and I wanted to write this story before I wrote my big fanfic...testing the waters i guess. This story came to me one night so I'm not sure how many chapters it will include but we'll get a few fluffy moments like this chapter, a lot of angsty stuff, and maybe some action since he's The Winter Soldier. Enjoy! Let me know what you think.._

 _ **I don't own any of the marvel characters, including Bucky. But I do own the original characters.** _

* * *

He never loved someone like he loved her. Her entire existence made him feel something he's never felt before. ncluding the time that predated the incident. She made him feel human. She made him feel like Bucky. He didn't deserve her but boy was he thankful for her.

"Good morning honey!" Julie wrapped her arms around his waist as she leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek. "I figured you would want a breakfast in bed on your day off. But I forgot there's no luck in surprising you."

Bucky drew his right hand to her face as he watched her pout. He felt himself smiling down on her. "I'm sorry. Since I'm up, I can give you a hand."

A mischievous smile crept on her lips as she took off her apron and placed it on Bucky. It was comically too small for him and the pastel pink clashed with his silver arm. Julie tried to contain a laugh as she handed him a spatula and pointed to the pan of bacon. He nodded, understanding her silent instructions. They allowed a blanket of silence to drape over them, listening to the playlist Julie picked out.

Bucky always enjoyed their conversations. At times, they would talk about small things. usic, dancing, art, food, languages, movies, and newfound hobbies and obsessions. Somerimes, somber conversations would fill the air. Bucky shared some of the memories he had of his past life. Julie would silently listen, only breaking her silence with an encouraging comment. She would reassure Bucky that he's a changed man and that she loved every part of him.

Sometimes, like that morning, it was quiet between the couple. It wasn't an awkward silence or stifling. Actually, it was one of the few moments that Bucky was able to keep his mind from destroying or degrading itself. It was a comfortable quietness, sometimes music playing. Often times, ple quietness.

Julie continued cracking eggs into her skillet and humming along the background music as Bucky concentrated on the bacon. He glanced at her and gently bumped his hips against hers. Julie, still focused on her eggs, smirked.

"Careful or you'll get more than eggs," She moved the egg shells to an empty bowl. Bucky laughed and continued bumping into her side. Julie turned to Bucky with her hands on her hips. He flashed a smile and raised an eyebrow.

"Mrs. Julie Erin Barnes, are you threatening me?" he inquired.

"You'll find out if you keep bumping into me," Julie responded with a cheeky smirk on her face. Bucky snickered at her response and leaned down and left a sweet kiss on her forehead. Julie rolled her eyes but smiled as she turned back to her eggs.

Bucky grabbed the plates and Julie took them from him, playing their food. Bucky took the plates from her hands and placed them on their small dining table. He pulled out Julie's unofficial assigned chair and once she took a seat, he pushed the chair in, minding her bump.

As they ate, Bucky's song came on; Earth Angel. Julie wasn't aware that he dedicated this song to her. He watched her as she took a bite of her eggs and gently allowed her hand to rest on her belly.

"I love you," Bucky whispered. Julie looked up and caught his eyes. She gave him her smile; the same smile he fell for. "Thank you. For everything. I…I don't deserve it. I don't deserve this life but I'm so thankful that I have it and that I can share it with you."

"Babe, you do deserve this. After everything you've gone through…I can't stress it enough...I…" Julie searched for the right words but shook her head. Bucky watched as she stood up, carefully, and shuffled to his side. She wrapped her small arms around his wide shoulders and left a kiss on the side of his head. "I love you, Bucky. I love everything about you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It's what makes you you."

How did she see that in him? He turned his body towards her and gathered her hands into his. She moved their hands to her belly.

"I can't wait to tell our son about how great his father is," Bucky rolled his eyes and let out a snort. Julie wanted a boy and was so sure the baby was a male. But, Bucky had a feeling it was a baby girl and had a list of girl names in his journal amongst his memories.

"I can't wait to tell our daughter how strong her mother is."

"Lets agree to disagree."

* * *

 _Short but too sweet._


	2. chapter 2

_Hello! So I must admit that the first couple chapters are kind of slow but I didn't want to write their story from the very beginning. So this chapter is mostly setting up How their relationship is and what they had to deal with to get to that point. I really like to think about Bucky having a happy, healthy relationship. Anywho, please enjoy and let me know what you think. :D_

* * *

"I can't wait for you to meet her. She's such a joy to be around. Finds the humor in literally everything. She'll be a bit mean to at first but give her some time…she'll warm up to you," Julie muttered into Bucky's shirt. She was fighting the exhaustion, but the warmth of his embrace wasn't helping much. "I…I miss her…a lot."

Bucky hugged her closer, resting his hand on the back of her head. He had his right leg around her legs, bringing her as close as possible. He whispered an apology.

He felt guilty. When was brought up, Julie always reassured him that it wasn't his fault. Yet, he couldn't help but to point his finger back to himself. Julie was always close to her family, especially her younger sister. She used to talk to them almost everyday. But, after she announced she was dating Bucky, her parents and sister were strongly against it.

Her parents didn't know much about Bucky's past. It was mostly Sonny who was against the relationship for obvious reasons. After a surprise visit, Sonny found it who was the mystery man. She rushed home and told her family that Julie was in a dangerous relationship. She held back the details that he used to be apart of Hydra and that he killed dozens of people. Bucky never understood why she didn't tell them the full truth.

After finding out about the dangerous relationship, everybody tried to stop Julie. But by this point, she was already too deep.

* * *

"Are you really willing to give up everything for this boy?" Her father yelled over the phone.

"Yes! And if you can't respect that…then…then…goodbye." Julie hung up the phone and turned to Bucky, eyes filled with tears.

"Julie…why did you do that?" Bucky asked as he held her. He felt his shirt damp from her tears.

"I don't know! That was so stupid! And really cheesy," Julie cringed as she wiped her tears and tore apart from Bucky. She looked at him as he reached down and wiped away the wet streaks on her cheeks. Their lips met. Once they broke away from the short kiss, Bucky her in for another hug.

"I love you. That's why." Bucky stared at her, trying to find any hint of a lie. Yet, her eyes were filled with so much honesty. He felt a lump in the back of his throat. Did he even know what that consisted of? Love was foreign to him. He couldn't remember the actual feeling. He knew there were people that loved him; his mom, his dad, his siblings, and Steve. But he couldn't remember what the actual emotion felt like. Did he love her too?

 _Yes_. A small voice in the back of his head answered. It gradually got louder and louder. Why wouldn't he?

"J-Julie..." He stammered. A smile grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. "I love you too."

That was the first time they told each other that they loved each other. That was when Bucky decided he was going to take care of her and never leave her side. In return, he was going to allow himself to be vulnerable and love her.

* * *

He felt his eyelids becoming more and more heavy as Julie incoherently mumbled about Sonny and the rest of her family. He suggested that they went to visit her family before the baby arrived. He wanted Julie to be close to her family again. Even if that meant awkward silences and uncomfortable questions. Julie called them and suggested coming to visit and they quickly agreed on a date.

They only had a few days before the trip out to Chicago, where Julie was from. Bucky wanted to fall asleep so he could wake up and finish work and be one day closer to their trip. Yet, he wanted to keep listening to Julie as she explained her family. Despite trying to fight it, he couldn't help but drift off as he listened to her.

"I hate bills," Bucky muttered as he tore himself from Julie. "If it wasn't for them, I would still be asleep." Julie stirred awake and chuckled. She reached out for him and he bent down to kiss the top of her head.

She mumbled something but he couldn't understand fully. Her eyes were already closed again and her hands resting on her belly.

"Love you babe. I'll call you at lunch," He stood up and headed to the bathroom to finish getting dressed.

The mirror was a sign of his progress. When he first saw himself after the fight in D.C. he wanted to punch the mirror. He was disgusted with the reflection. It was a clear reminder of who he was and what he did. He never stood in front of the mirror without a shirt. That was highlighting his scars and the stories behind them. The red scarring around his arm brought him physical pain. His mind would flood with memories of how he got his metal arm. hat would lead to episodes of the treatment he received with Hydra.

Slowly, he learned to look at himself and not hate himself. It took some time and a new haircut to feel a bit like Bucky and not like the Winter Soldier. He couldn't change the past but he could decide his future. And it had to start with him having a healthy view of himself. He couldn't be half the man Julie deserved if he hated himself. She couldn't bare his burdens all the time. That thought caused him to try hard to focus on the present and future and not dwell too much on the past mistakes.

Bucky watched himself as he brushed his teeth, thinking about how he would explain the scars and arm to his kids. How would they react? He chuckled at the thought of kids wanting to bring his arm to show-and-tell. He quickly washed his face and threw on a shirt before heading out.

It was a blessing he had work. It was construction but this particular company didn't ask too many questions. They usually hire ex-convicts or people that didn't have citizenship. The boss, a stern man, often reassured the men that he won't ask questions in exchange for hard work and no drama. Drama, to him, meant no fighting, arguing, or having any shady side business.

Most of the men Bucky worked with kept to themselves and they all had a common respect for each other. The were just men who had some questionable pasts and wanted to provide for themselves and families. Bucky worked hard, but tried to hold himself back so nobody would asked questions. Could he lift the steel beams with just one hand? Yeah, but should he? Plus, they weren't paying him to show off his strength.

Lunch came around and Bucky pulled out his phone. One hand held his sandwich as the other held his phone up to his ear. Usually Julie had her phone on her and picked up quickly. But oddly, she wasn't picking up. He tried again and again before finally leaving a message after the fourth try.

"Hey honey. I'm on break. Wanted to talk for a bit. Um…call me back as soon as you can. You know, before one. Uh…hope you had a good morning. Love you." He tried to stay calm, but his mind immediately went into overdrive. Was she okay? Was she still asleep? Cooking? Cleaning? Did she injure herself?

Then, the thought came across his mind. He tried to shake it away but it was always a big concern. He was thinking of excuses for leaving when he received a text.

 **MY LOVE:** _Hey honey. I'm ok :) just resting. See u when u get home._

His stomach did a flip. Something was wrong.


	3. chapter 3

_Hey! So I'm going to put a trigger warning on this chapter. I'm not going to be too detailed with anything but the emotion is still there and it can be very traumatic. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think so far!_

* * *

He managed to convince his boss to let him leave early. It was almost like pulling teeth. Once Bucky explained that his wife was pregnant and, the man reluctantly allowed him to go.

"If it's nothing, get your butt back here as soon as possible." Bucky nodded his head, containing an eye roll as he ran towards their home.

Bucky and Julie lived in walking distance of his job. Usually, it takes about five minutes to get there. Ten minutes if He decided to stop by the floral shop. He made it to the house in two minutes.

He busted through the door and scanned the living room. Everything was in tact. He felt his breathing becoming irregular. There was something off.

It was too quiet. No matter what Julie as doing, she always had some noise playing in the background. Often times it was a new band she discovered or a few of her favorite classics. Sometimes, she'll turn on the T.V. to run in the background as she cleaned. The only time it was quiet in the house was when they were both asleep at night. Even during her naps, she'll have some instrumental music playing as she slept.

He headed towards the back of the house, checking the bathroom and kitchen. Both rooms showed no signs of entrance or struggle but it felt so unfamiliar. He finally reached the bedroom door. He pressed his head to the door, listening for any sign of life. Any sign of movement.

He slowly opened the door and stuck his head in, searching for Julie. His heart was pumping against his chest. It was thrashing throughout his body. He could feel tears stinging his eyes. His right hand started to shake. The only time his hand would shake so violently was when he was fighting a horrible flashback. Or anger was beginning to turn everything red. It gradually stopped after learning to control his mind and emotions. At that particular moment, Bucky wasn't even trying to control himself. All the breathing exercises were out the window.

She wasn't there. Reaching their closet, Bucky grabbed a suitcase that sat on the top shelf. He got rid of most of his weapons but even the old Bucky would've kept something around. He opened the case and peered over his selection. After gabbing a small hand gun and his favorite knife, he checked the bedroom for any clues. Clues to why she lied about resting. Or more realistically, clues to who impersonated her.

He turned and headed to the only room he hadn't checked. His mind was racing. There was a slight dull in the back of his head. He was suddenly remembering a similar scene from his past.

* * *

"Kill her. Keep it clean, but don't forget to leave your mark," The man stood in front of him with his hands behind his back. The soldier recognized him but couldn't remember his name or any important details. The only thing he remembered was he needed to comply. "He must recoginze his mistake. Understood, Soldier?"

"Yes" He responded in Russian. The language felt foreign on his lips, yet so familiar. It came out almost naturally for him.

He found himself in a modest home, walking down the short corridor. He glanced on the wall and saw family. The man had his arm wrapped around his wife's shoulder. hey were both smiling as their gaze was fixed the daughter who was seemingly giggling.

The soldier recognized the man and woman from the file that was given to him before the mission. The man was away on a business trip. But that didn't matter. The man wasn't the target. They weren't finished with him. The soldier was there to leave a message. _To motivate._

Despite wearing combat boots, the soldier was nothing but a small gust of wind as he entered the bedroom. The target. He took out his gun and prepared to finish his mission as a small creak sounded behind him.

"Daddy?" A small voice trembled as the child slowly approached the soldier. He knew what he needed to do. He had to finish the mission. The soldier couldn't fail.

* * *

He heard the door creak open as he stepped inside. The sight caused a wave of emotions to run through his body. _No. This can't be real. This is a terrible terrible joke. No. It's not real._

He knelt down to her side, not paying much attention to the red liquid covering his arm. He rested her head on his lap and tried to find a pulse. Nothing. He tried everything in his power to bring her back to him. Nothing was working.

Bucky couldn't hear anything. He felt himself screaming but he couldn't hear it. He felt like throwing up. He needed to wake up from the bad dream. He needed to protect Julie. Why would his mind create such a horrifying scene? Why wasn't he waking up? Why wasn't Julie trying to shake him awake? He held onto Julie, rocking back and forth. Time passed but he didn't notice.

Soon, two police officers entered the room with their guns drawn. They were saying something but Bucky didnt see or hear them. Nothing was registering to him. They kept shouting something but he didn't respond. He finally looked at them. He felt his body shutting down. _No. It's not real. It's just a bad dream. Wake up Bucky. Wake up James! Wake up!_

He felt a stinging pain in his right shoulder. His eyes moved toward the painful sensation. A bullet hole. He felt it. It felt so real. It was real. It was very much real. _All of it._

The last thing he remembered was looking at her. Her body laid limp in his arms. Lifeless. Gone.


End file.
